Five Steps to Finding Your Authentic Voice

If you’re anything like me, you probably struggle with finding your voice. I did for over 10 years. Ever since I was old enough to be working, I have been thinking about what my true voice is. What is it that I really like to do? I spent my years in school not knowing what subject I wanted to study. After graduating, I didn’t know what job I wanted to get. I was somehow always unsatisfied with everything that I was doing. There was nothing wrong in my life (as a matter of fact I had everything that I had ever wanted) and the people around me thought I was crazy for feeling this way but I knew there was something greater for me, I just didn’t know how to find it.

Here’s an important question to ask yourself (which is a total Tweetable!)…

Do you remember who you were before the world told you who you have to be?

You have to allow the idea to breathe, which sometimes means you have to engage in activities that are gloriously inefficient. Activities that you think are a waste of time.

Give yourself permission to wander around. There are so many different hacks on how to do this and that very quickly and in less time. We have this need for instant gratification. That works sometimes, but…

There are no hacks for things that really matter. Allow ideas to reach their full potential. Anything worth doing takes time. This might seem inefficient in the short run but it can be effective in the long run.

This is one of the very few things that I did right! I would hear a great idea and I would go out and try to replicate it. I would see someone doing a cool art project, and I wanted to become an artist too. This would lead to me trying to recreate the art piece I had seen. I would read an article and be so moved that I wanted to be a writer. I would go out there and try to write a moving article. Often times, I would spend hours on something that would really go nowhere. People around me would always tell me to stop wasting time. And I agreed but for some reason, I kept doing it. Over and over again I would spend (notice I said spend and not waste) time exploring different things. I’m not going to lie to you, sometimes I look back at all the things I wrote and created but never put them to good use and think that these were a waste of time. But let me tell you, those things were the best things that I ever did.

Success comes in layers and is almost never a one shot shoot to the top.

There are those outliers that shoot to the top but usually, success doesn’t last for very long for those people.

The process of developing your voice is the process of walking through that long journey and having the courage to push through the fear and the difficulties.

There is a U shape for success. it’s like a hike in the canyon. You hike down first and as soon as you get to the bottom, the top looks very far, maybe even not visible. This is where most people quit. But a very selected few continue up that canyon and start the climb up to the top.

Doubts are normal. The most successful people have that, even, and especially, when they are very successful. No one talks about this, people only share their glory. The trick is to keep your eye on your goal. Don’t worry about those fears and those doubts, just keep doing what you’re doing and trust the process.

I am constantly reminded of something that I read a while ago by Todd Henry in his book “Louder than Words”. “We all begin by imitating our idols, those people that we look up to but at some point, we have to make the choice to deviate from our influences and be bold and unique.”

1. Ask yourself, “Am I happy?”

Have you ever asked yourself this? No, I mean really asked yourself this? Take a notebook and start writing. No one will see this but you so be very honest with yourself. On the top of your paper write “Am I really happy?” Now start writing. Don’t filter your thoughts. Don’t worry about what the consequences of writing these thoughts will have. Don’t worry about letting anyone down or not being able to change the things that don’t make you happy.

Just write. The only true way to find out who you really are and let your voice shine through is to answer this question. It’s not easy. It might even make you cry. It made me cry the first time I did it.

A lot of times we go through our lives mindlessly, not really taking time to acknowledge our feelings and decide if what we are doing really makes us happy. When I first started my journey of personal development, I didn’t know what made me happy, I knew something was off but I kept ignoring it and thinking that this is how it’s supposed to feel. I saw people around who weren’t satisfied with their lives but they all said, “That’s life,” and moved on. I thought that this is how it’s supposed to be. Let me tell you that it’s not supposed to be that way. Until you get honest with yourself and write things down you will never be able to find your voice and create a life that truly makes you happy. When I saw everything written down in front of me, the answer became clear.

2. Go back to your roots

When I started to explore what it is that really made me happy, I didn’t know where to start. I kept thinking and thinking but it just seemed like I like everything and everything makes me happy. That’s not the case. It was hard for me to analyze myself so after months and months of struggling I took the advice from Chalene Johnson and I asked those around me. I started asking my mom to tell me about my childhood. I asked her what I did as a little child, what I liked to play with, what I always told her that I wanted to be when I grow up. Then I asked my brother what he thought I was good at, what he would come to me for if he needed advice. Then I asked my fiancé why he ever asked me out in the first place, what attracted him to me. I wrote everything down. If you haven’t noticed already, the key to everything is writing it down. I’ll say it again, the solution becomes clear when you see it written down in your own handwriting.

Perhaps the best thing that I did, the final step that convinced me that I had found my voice, was to look back at memorabilia from my past. I stumbled upon it by accident. When I was cleaning out my closet one day, I found a five-page essay that I had written 12 years ago on an old school typewriter. The assignment was to create a fictional person from history and write their autobiography. I chose to write about a midwife who was known as “the lifesaver”. The entire paper is about how the character I created loves to help people and takes pride in helping people survive. At the end of her life, she looks back and says, “I have no regrets, I have tried to help as many people as I can and have made many people happy.” It was as clear as day, I have always wanted to help people, to get them to feel like they are enough and worth it.

3. Run your own race

Comparing. The worst thing that ever happened to the human race. Remember that you are running your own race, not someone else’s. It’s not a competition; you’re only racing against yourself. When you compare yourself to other people, you often do it incorrectly. You compare your chapter one to someone else’s chapter ten. This is where we get discouraged and quit. Can you start reading a book from chapter ten and fully understand the story? No. Then why would you compare yourself to someone who already went through nine chapters already? Remember, it’s just you in this race, run your own race.

4. Do more of one thing that makes you happy

We tend to think that that one thing that makes us happy is so insignificant and that we need to find something bigger and greater. That’s never the case. Do more of what makes you happy. Explore other ways of doing it. When I was starting my journey of self-discovery, I decided that I should stop trying out new things because I was wasting my time. I decided that I needed to pick one thing and just focus on it. I ultimately wasted two years of life (not to mention thousands of dollars) to only realize that that’s not what I wanted to do. Had I kept doing that thing that made me happy (trying out new things), I would have quickly realized that mentoring other people was my passion.

5. What can I do today to be proud of it 10 years from now?

If you ask yourself this every day, you will never go wrong. Every step you take today creates your future. By deciding to do something every day that will make you proud in ten years, you will truly be happy. I am going to say it again, write it down. Every day, write down what that one thing is that you did that will make you happy in ten years. In one month, you will have over 30 things that make you happy.

All of this takes time. It’s something that we have so little of! But, it’s worth it, I promise. As a bonus, I have created a workbook for you, to help you uncluttered your life and free up some time to go on this journey!

Remember, this only works if you work

Do the work. Go get yourself a nice journal and decide that today is the day that you will start your journey of self-discovery. It will be the best investment you ever made! Today is the day that you start to find your voice and start creating the life you have always dreamed of.